Mark LaFlamme: Good times in the plumbing aisle

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talk of the town Ernie Anderson

Bouncing insane
Over the weekend I had the greatest joy of experiencing a clogged drain in my kitchen. I say it’s joy because buying plumbing tools is like going to a toy store. Have you seen the stuff that’s out there for this type of problem? Devices that twist and suck, twist and wriggle, blast water and snuff out mud. I started with a small, drill-operated, snake-like thing that immediately broke in the drain itself. Luckily there is a tool to fix that. I eventually graduated to a larger, 30-foot sewer drill coiled up in a crankcase, and the whole thing looked like some kind of badass ray gun. Combine that with a mini bellows that looks like a megaphone and you’re talking about some pretty good fun in the Lowe’s parking lot. I mean, I don’t even care about the clogged drain anymore. I don’t waste my new toy on this petty matter.

A cobalt-carbon wire drain auger and a mini-bellows piston made for a pretty good time in the parking lot at Lowe’s. photo submitted

The power of Lowe’s compels you!
However, my favorite new unclog gadget is the blow bag, a bladder-like system used to expel debris from your pipes with the power of water, which is blasted through a tiny hole with great force to maximize its effect . I could explain how the bladder works, but you should just watch a few YouTube videos of how I did it. I’ve spent HOURS watching this stuff. Hours! More than is healthy, really.

Auburn residents can dispose of bulky waste for free
Well, la dee there. Good for Auburn residents; Aren’t they just that special? Actually, I don’t have much to say on this topic, I just wanted to get “bulky waste” in my column. If I had a few pounds more I would take it for my street name. “Borderline Emaciated Waste” just doesn’t sound the same.

Pizza Delivery Heist
Seriously guys? Rob the pizza guy? In my view, this type of crime should somehow be brought to justice so that it can be punished extra. I mean, you’re stealing from a guy whose only intention was to bring you food. It’s almost literally the biting of the hands that feed you. Get a job, fool, because crime doesn’t suit you.

Downeaster drivers cannot order alcohol while the train is in NH
If I were on this train, I would get off the New Hampshire line and just run alongside, swallowing my cock. I mean it’s not a very big state. Get out there and move, I say! But apparently the state of NH has already changed their mind on all of this, so whatever. Wake me up when we get to Florida.

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